At this point in my life I've come to learn to accept the fact that if I had a middle name it should be struggle...LOL
The past few months have completely taken a toll on me, as well as forced me to take a long look at myself, to check my intentions, look at my high points and low points, and try to come up with some form of strategy for both short and long term goals I made.
I thought I had a strategy all in place earlier this year, and I thought my departure from my job would signify a new era for the Q beginning with the exhibition, not to say this is why I left my job(though some have garnered serious allegations and slandered my name) but however things turned topsy-turvy, and I found myself sprawling into a pile of stress, worries, accusations and downfalls. I now find myself defending my positions to people who either don't know me fully, or don't really understand what is going on. At times I have even doubted myself and have stepped back many times to see if it is something I am doing wrong, or is it a test from God(Allah) which will purify me, develop more of a trust in Him as well as gear me up for something bigger down the road.
They say you should always have a good opinion about God, and I do, but it's really hard being a mere human being, trying to trust Him when you don't see the whole picture. I understand that's what the tests of life is for, and also understand that if He doesn't care or deem good for a person, He will not try them so severly. Last week was another one of those tests, I almost lost my storage which included very personal and important items, many of my books and videos among other things that I accumulated over 8 years.
The outcome was good, and I feel like my trust in God has grown, but I'm growing more tired of having to explain myself to people who don't see these things as tests and trials from God, but rather shortcomings or failures of my own. People ask why have I become somewhat of a recluse in the past few years. In reality I am not a recluse, just a man who is tired of being around people who don't seem to take things in a serious manner or who look at things from a superficial point of view.
I know of people who are unemployed for the same amount of time I've been, or even longer, yet in their conversations they don't seem to mention anyone doubting their intentions or integrity, so why should I be different? Why should I be looked upon as some deceitful, light-headed, non-serious guy with a dream simply because I'm looking within myself to advance myself instead of ever-chasing a permanently temporary job, and why am I being blasted for defending myself, my sanity and my integrity, as if to say these things are not important anymore? When did money replace integrity, decency, honor, and respect?
So I continue to travel lightly. One day, God Willing, it will all make sense.
Take care all...
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