Shutdowns, Breakdowns and Meltdowns (Part 1)

Peace all, Writing this blog from a personal standpoint can be therapeutic at times, and sometimes it can become more of a hindrance than good. It really depends on the mood that I'm in, which has been shifting constantly in the past few months. What started out as good and promising has turned completely upside down, and my mood changes have become more obvious than ever, and so has my language. Obviously something is not the same with me. Right now I'm sitting on the floor of the library, which has now become a familiar spot with me, multitasking as usual, not being able to get a single task done. I used to think that my lack of concentration or lack of focusing on getting one task done was due to my scatterbug nature. That was until a couple of weeks ago I was looking up an issue on the interest regarding depression and anxiety. Once I read the symptoms, I stopped wondering about the other person and started looking at myself. It's no secret that I've suffered from depression, especially when one reads previous posts I've written in the past, especially in regards to some of the escapades I've experienced in the high stress call center environment, however I did not realize what I was doing was due to a depressing state. I thought I had it managed pretty well ya know? Whenever I became depressed I would find myself walking throughout the neighborhood, sometimes equipped with my headphones and MP3 player and sometimes not, only to come back home somewhat refreshed, but it's reached epic proportions now. It came to a head this past July while doing contract work for a company. I was helping to move computers and networking hardware, not harming anyone at anytime, thinking that after working a couple of weeks here I could earn a nice amount of money to hold me down until something more permanent or more lasting comes along. Things didn't look so promising after the first couple of days as the two men who headed the project were behind in their duties, leaving the contractors with very little to do the first couple of days, so we were made to leave early. On the following Wednesday, I received word that my services would no longer be needed, as I was told that a couple of people complained about me, but he would not go into detail about the nature of the complaint. In reality he didn't have to, I've been discriminated and profiled against too many times to act like I don't know the reasons why I'm being treated in such fashion. The funny thing was although I was told some people complained against me, the agency I worked for was not told such things, only don't send me back to the site. I immediatedly told the recruiter what I feel was the issue, and I explained that I'm Muslim and I do have a full beard, but that in no way has been or will be a detriment to my work ethic or my reputation as a honest, law abiding citizen. Being African American and Muslim has given me the upclose opportunity to see first hand how ignorance and racism has and will continue to pull this country down, while it's citizens point fingers everywhere except the right places to hold the right people accountable, meanwhile people from different ethnic and religious backgrounds continue to suffer at the hands of someone else's stupidity. It hasn't stopped there. This discrimination has taken on new forms, such as an agency calling me a couple of weeks inquiring, or should I say profiling me about a position I had applied for. The recruiter seemed pleased with my resume, and then came the questions. NOPE, no felonies, no default on a college loan(although I fail to see how this should affect my status as one who is capable of troubleshooting computer equipment in the first place), no bad credit, except in the area of having a car repossessed three years ago, as a result of losing my job, making me unable to continue to pay on my car...so poverty becomes a punishment now huh? So now poverty is a character flaw instead of a socio-economic issue huh? One that renders the person into a caste of those who can't cut it? So much for the land of opportunity, huh? And they wonder why people go illegal? Matter of fact, I don't even think they even wonder about that, especially when conditions are created by these scavengers and parasites that leave those on the outskirts of society, scrappin' and scrapin' just trying to break even...They just feign concern...they don't really care... I'll continue this later....Peace out....www.qartworks.com