Friday, January 30, 2009

THE POINT OF NO RETURN......




Peace y'all

It's 10:09am, I just went out to my car, and it was dirty again from the storms that came from the recent arctic blast. I washed this thing last week from all of the dirt that had collected from the storms before. My car was beginning to look like I had just competed in a Monster Truck exhibition. Now it looks a repeat performance.

Anyway, I was unable to attend the exhibition at the South Dallas Cultural Center last week. The weather was brutal. I'll give it another swing this week. I want to get to it before they go to another exhibit in February....

I am feeling much better since the cold/flu thingy has subsided. This one lingered longer than usual, keeping me from having sustained sessions with my artwork. Thank God I was able to finish a piece to be revealed in the near future, but this working at another job, then coming home to work on another piece is really becoming a strain on my body. It is one of the reasons I get sick more often, as my body does not take time to regenerate the immune system. On several occasions my body gets wrecked from stress, and by the weekend I feel like I played extensive hours of football without any padding. I learned at my job yesterday that I will be moving to another team, due to my present performance. When they brought me into the office, I thought they were going to complain about my recent work, so when they asked me how's everything going, I let them know I was feeling serious burnout. They told me the team I am going to will be more focused on one client, so the stress factor would be considerably less. The less stress that I really need is the less stress of switching modes that I endure on a weekly, if not daily basis. Switching from one mode where I have to hear constant complaints without the ability to respond except in what they say is a "professional" manner to a mode where I get to say whatever is on my mind is not an easy task; thoughts have to be gathered, and time to reflect in this Bluetooth Society that I call it(I'll explain that later) is at a minimum. There have been times I have thought of hanging up this art thing, but then I think of why I named myself and my artwork Quwwa...Determination... Will Power....Maybe I'm being tested to see if I practice what I preach..

I've come to the realization that I have reached the point of no return. I have met people who have become touched by the work, and since that is part of the objective, I feel I can't go back. This thing has become a part of my being. I have started something that needs to be finished. I can't think of chumpin' out and going to hide in the corner now. Plus I got a family at Iseecolor that will hunt me down and find me if they ever heard of me puttin' it away.

Maybe, God Willing, just maybe I will be able to make this full time. Then all of the stress and anxiety endured will be a purification for my soul. People at my job comment on my demeanor and stated that although I expressed burnout, they never saw it. I read during the past Ramadhan that one of God's attributes is that of forgiveness, even to the point of not letting the troubles and afflictions we put on ourselves become obvious to the people. One young lady commented that they have never saw me sad or upset, they always found me smiling... God is Great..



SHAKE IT OFF......Take care y'all

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